


Never Looking Back Again

by echoicdreamscape



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 13:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoicdreamscape/pseuds/echoicdreamscape
Summary: The first vacation they took after moving to London was to Japan.





	Never Looking Back Again

**Author's Note:**

> It looks like my annual writing spree has just hit. This pairing is very new to me, but I hope I've done them justice.
> 
> The title was inspired by Jesse McCartney's "Leavin'". I've always been a sucker for JMac.

The first vacation they took after moving to London was to Japan. It was Maggie’s idea to visit for ten days to celebrate being able to practice again. “I’ve spent a year in school again, Syd. You’ve been working so hard too and I think we both deserve a vacation,” she had said. Sydney had given in easily and the next month they found themselves on the day-long trip there. 

Flying from London to Japan was so far that they were forced to stop in France for a layover. Sydney had wanted to explore Paris during the four-hour period, but Maggie refused.

“Where will we put our luggage? And we’ll have to go through security again!” she exclaimed as Sydney jiggled her right leg up and down where they were sitting at an empty gate. 

Maggie tilted her head as she appraised her girlfriend. “Feeling jittery after just one flight?”

Sydney crossed her arms and huffed. “It was barely an hour! Why can’t we just be there already?” She pushed her glasses up to rest on top of her head and rubbed her eyes. 

“I see even my company isn’t good enough to keep you calm,” Maggie joked, putting a hand over Sydney’s. “I’m totally digging the glasses look, by the way,” she continued, raising an eyebrow. Sydney had chosen to avoid contacts for the long trip, lest risking drying them out or sleeping in them too long. 

Sydney smiled and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek. She adjusted her glasses back on her face then reached into her bag and pulled out her laptop. 

“Oh no, don’t you start working now!” Maggie exclaimed, gripping Sydney’s hand under hers tightly. “It’s our vacation!”

Sydney’s mouth quirked upwards at Maggie’s indignation. “I’m just pulling up a movie for us to watch. We’ve got to do _something_ to pass the time.”

They boarded their flight to Kyoto three hours later after emerging from the family bathroom only slightly disheveled. 

Sydney collapsed on the hotel bed as soon as she put her luggage away and recited her nightly prayers. 

“Not feeling so energetic anymore, huh?” remarked Maggie as she changed into her pajamas. She crawled on top of her girlfriend, kissing up her neck. Sydney hummed appreciatively, eyes still closed, but put a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. Maggie pressed a kiss into her cheek and rolled off. She turned to face the other woman, who was still lying in her back and wrapped an arm around her stomach.

“Night, babe.”

“Mm.”

* * *

Maggie played with her fingers as she sat on the tatami. She had changed into her yellow kimono quickly and was now alone as she waited for Sydney to change. _The attendants must still be fawning over Syd’s hair,_ she thought. She sighed and glanced around the room until her eyes rested on the table with bowls and towels stacked neatly. They were going to participate in a traditional Japanese tea ceremony, but couldn’t start until her girlfriend was done. Maggie drummed her fingers on the mat and started to hum a mindless tune when she heard footsteps approaching. 

Sydney emerged in the hallway wearing a beautiful pink kimono covered with flowers. She grinned as Maggie gazed in awe, jaw slightly dropping before she caught herself. 

“We haven’t even gotten to the good part yet!” Sydney exclaimed, but raising an eyebrow, a habit she picked up from the other woman. 

_We’re definitely getting to the good part tonight,_ Maggie thought. 

“Looks like we’ll be matching flowers,” she said instead. 

Sydney rolled her eyes with a smile. “I think most kimonos have flowers on them, babe.” She extended a hand to help Maggie up. 

Maggie smiled back at the endearment. Sydney had changed so much since they first met. Four years ago, she had been an uptight, floor-length dress-wearing woman, not to mention still in the closet. She had repressed her sexuality for twenty-seven years, which coupled with her orthodox Jewish practices, created hardass who couldn’t even crack a joke. Maggie hadn’t felt much attraction then; Sydney was so rigid and wore socks that reached her knees _under the floor-length dresses_ for goodness sake! 

Then Sydney had kissed her in the on-call room and fled immediately. Maggie had been left leaning against the bed, incredulous, confused, and slightly excited. She had never really considered women before then, and the kiss made something within her stir. But Sydney had gotten herself engaged immediately after, to a man of all things, leaving Maggie to swallow her emerging feelings. 

“I like girls. There, I said it,” Sydney had said to her quietly. Maggie smiled, waiting patiently for the other woman to approach her. That evening, Sydney had been a relentless lover, physically demanding and endlessly passionate. Maggie hadn’t been surprised by the other woman’s fervor. Hiding those urges for so long must have been unbearably difficult, and she had finally released them for one night. Honestly, the most surprising part for Maggie was that Sydney initiated everything in the hospital, where anyone could walk in on them. 

Then Sydney broke off her engagement and left Maggie as soon as she passed her boards. Maggie had texted her a few times, but the other woman wasn’t really the type to keep in touch. She wondered what a relationship with Sydney would have been like. How long would it have taken for Sydney to hold her hand in public? Or tell others that they were dating? Or tell her parents? But there was no use thinking all that; she was already gone. Maggie started going out with other guys and for the first time, girls, but always had that one stuck in the back of her mind.

Maggie saw her one year later when Sydney stood next to her hospital bed, looking worried but with soft eyes. She was wearing contacts and a button up shirt, sleeves rolled to her elbows. _She’s changed,_ was Maggie’s first thought. The second was, _wow, she’s gorgeous_. Sydney looked more free and secure with herself. _I never thought the day would come when I would see Sydney Katz showing her arms_. Sydney had always worn long sleeve shirts under her scrubs to maintain her conservative dress, but now looked much more casual. _Come to think of it, she started showing her legs after she dumped Herschel._

Sydney had stayed long enough to take care of one more patient and then dropped the bomb on Maggie that she had a girlfriend in Israel. Maggie’s stomach felt hollow and her heart sank once again. She offered shallow reasons for Sydney to stay, hiding the burning desire for Sydney to choose to stay for her. She kissed her before she left, the best she could do and the most she could give at the time, and watched Sydney walk out, leaving her behind for the second time.

 _You have to forget about her,_ Maggie had chastised herself. _If there was even a ship, it’s long sailed._ She was still standing in the hotel lobby looking out the glass doors. She forced herself to forget about Sydney Katz, who was living halfway across the world with another woman. She threw herself into her work and her mentoring, trying to ignore the remaining feelings in the back of her mind. _I’m not really a relationship person anyway,_ she tried to convince herself. History documented that pretty well. Maybe she was fit for hook-ups but not anything lasting. If there was a heaviness in her throat it was just from allergies. If there was a weariness in her eyes, it was because she needed her morning coffee. If there was a downturn to her lips, it was simply hormones not working in her favor that day. And if her mind started to drift toward a certain redhead some days, well…

Another year later, Maggie knew she had a difficult patient the moment she read her chart. Becca had mentioned her sister, also a doctor, who recommended she be treated at Hope Zion. But who would have known so many details about her study? How could this doctor have chosen hers out of so many? Then Sydney had rushed in in a flash of red hair and Maggie couldn’t hide her look of surprise – and worry. Sydney was back in her life once more. The other woman had turned around and given her a swift smile with a hint of a promise in her eyes. Maggie immediately smiled back, but couldn’t hide her concern.

“When I was in Israel, I thought about you every day,” Sydney had told her. Maggie was overwhelmed; they were twenty feet from Sydney’s parents, Sydney was admitting something, and it was all happening too fast. _I thought about you too,_ she had wanted to reply. But she kept her mouth shut…until Sydney kissed her with a confession. _Not again._

Maggie couldn’t let it happen again. She couldn’t handle anymore cycling between will we or won’t we after three years of it. She wouldn’t let herself fall only to be left behind again. But just being around the other woman again awoke something undeniable within her. Was Sydney here to stay? Could this be real? She couldn’t process everything at once.

Maggie had ignored Sydney’s texts the next few days after the confession. She was torn between her options. She could let herself fall for the other woman and try for something, but would Sydney leave her again? Or she could let herself pine and inevitably not even talk to Sydney again even though they worked in the same hospital…until she left again. The options kept spinning in her mind. Give happiness a chance but risk abandonment? Or play it safe and possibly miss out on the first loving relationship she would have? Maggie ignored her buzzing phone as well as she could.

But after spending the day dealing with the ashes and urn debacle, Maggie realized that she was finally ready. She was going to give them a chance. They were finally in the same place, ready for the same thing. They were a good team and she was going to follow her heart this time. There was one thing she had to say, though. “Promise me you’re not going to leave again?”

The following weeks were bliss. She woke up almost daily in Sydney’s admittedly small and uncomfortable bed, but it was worth seeing the other woman in the morning. They started up their on-call room kissing again, only being caught twice. They went on hikes during the weekends and held hands. Sydney wore a t-shirt and shorts in public! 

“You really have changed,” Maggie told her from where she was sitting on the bed when Sydney emerged from the bathroom in her casual ensemble. 

“Like what you see?” Sydney responded with a smirk. 

“You wear your scrubs without a shirt underneath now, too,” Maggie replied thoughtfully. 

“I feel…free now,” Sydney said as she strode toward the bed. “I feel like I can be who I want to be, do anything I want to do.” She held her hand out to pull Maggie up.

“You sure can do anything you want,” Maggie said suggestively. 

Sydney exhaled with a slight smile. “After our hike.”

“Or during!”

“Don’t push your luck.”

But then…

“Don’t follow me,” Sydney had ordered. _She finally said loves me, but she doesn’t want to be with me?_ Maggie’s heart felt torn. It was Sydney she had finally chosen to be with, to give her heart to, but there was Sydney again, always leaving. She couldn’t believe she fell for it again. This was her third time being left behind. 

Maggie sat on the floor of her new office, holding Sydney’s note. What was the point of trying again if Sydney left again? Maggie couldn’t admit it to herself for the longest time, but after Zach’s matter of fact observation, she let herself realize that she was in love with Sydney. _I’m not letting her go this time,_ Maggie thought with resolve. _Screw the dream job, screw the leaving, and screw the passiveness._ She was going to chase after Sydney Katz.

She and Alex rushed to the airport, breaking too many traffic laws for her comfort. She rushed into the airport, searching for – London, departed. She shut her eyes and groaned. She was too late. She supposed it was too much to hope that Sydney would make a last-minute decision to stay. No, Sydney was a planner. She wouldn’t – 

“Hey, beautiful.”

They had stayed in the airport hotel that night, having bought tickets for a flight departing the next morning. They lay intertwined, pressed as closely together as they could after hours of reconciliation. Sydney was already asleep in her arms, but Maggie lay awake. After debating with herself whether they just had make-up sex, she thought about their history. She was finally able to fully confess her feelings to someone, she was finally able to really let herself love. She was ready to give all of herself for another person, and she was lucky enough for that person to be Sydney. Her heart full, she let herself drift away into slumber as Sydney buried her head into her chest just a little deeper, right over her heartbeat. 

“-and then we will discard the first cup.”

“Babe? Maggie!” Sydney shouldered her.

Maggie started, jumping out of her thoughts. She didn’t realize she had drifted so far away and smiled at Sydney in apology. 

“Where were you?” Sydney shook her head and smiled back. She took her girlfriend’s hand. “We’re just about to start.”

“I was thinking about…everything,” Maggie replied slowly. “I’m just so happy to be here with you.” She unclasped their hands and wrapped an arm around Sydney’s waist.

“I’m happy, too.” Sydney rested her head on her shoulder as they prepared to begin the ceremony.

**Author's Note:**

> Here are the songs I listened to while I was writing this; they correspond to certain times in the plot.  
> Somebody Else - Verite  
> Heartbeat - Verite (both relate to Sydney leaving for Israel)  
> You Da One - Rihanna (when they finally get together)  
> Bonus: Love on Top - Beyonce


End file.
